Follow-up to Confessions #1...Red Rover?!?
As you all know, I usually don't back-track on topics...largely because I can't remember what I did 10 minutes ago...but given the situation, I wanted to briefly hit on my last blog post. For those of you that are just coming to the party, I "confessed" one of the most difficult things that grieving parents deal with...feeling compassion for other people and their "lesser" trials. I wasn't trying to tell people to suck it up or shut up. I just felt led to let you in on what we're really struggling with. This was the "dirty little secret" no one wants to talk about...and based on the response I received, it's also potentially what no one wants to hear.
I actually received feedback from quite a few people on both sides of the aisle...so please don't feel as though I'm secretly attacking you personally if you're one of the chosen few. You are in good company.
The most notable element of the feedback is the great divide that formed between two sides. To put it simply, those that have either dealt with the sudden death of an intimate loved one or who have battled life and death illnesses of their own, totally "got it" and thanked me for putting it out there.
Those that haven't had that trauma in their lives, didn't get it...at all. My words came across harsh and cold. It didn't hurt my feelings. Honestly, I'm glad they didn't get it. If you understood, that means there would be yet another family torn apart...another mommy who feels like her heart has been ripped out and put through a shredder.
I would humbly ask you to re-read "Confessions of a Grieving Mommy." I wasn't trying to defend my heartless commiserations. I acknowledged my situation for what it really is...the enemy attacking my wounded heart with bitterness. I confessed the conviction of the Holy Spirit to conform to the image of the Son instead of clenching my jaw on the sour fruit of bitterness.
As I said previously, this is the ugly naked truth about what we're struggling with, but when people ask how they can pray for you, it doesn't exactly just roll off the tongue. Frankly, I was tired of answering, "I'm ok."
It also bears mentioning that those of us on this side of heartbreak would lovingly acknowledge that we thought we knew and understood grief before going to these depths. We would've likely echoed your exact sentiments. All we can say is it's just another "shake-your-head" moment of realization when the semi-truck of death slams into you going 70 mph, and you're confronted with eternity like never before. There's just no way to "get it"...until you "get it." And that's ok. We understand.
We are called to live out this Christian walk together. Satan does not want that to happen, and so (in situations like these) he plays his go-to solids of bitterness and anger in order to isolate us from each other. It's much easier to pick us off one-by-one when we're not standing together.
Although I don't want to make lite of the topic, this calls to mind the intensity of the Olympic-worthy game of Red Rover. You remember those games, don't you?!? When your entire elementary school reputation hinged on forming ranks during recess. Your team would call out the weakest among the enemy and dare him/her to breach your wall. Then with gritted teeth, you'd brace yourselves for impact...as one body...the likes of whom would rise and fall...together. And where would they catapult themselves with tremendous force?!? To the weakest link, of course.
Put simply, I don't want my bitterness and anger to be the weakest link.
There is a battle of good and evil going on here. Wars are ugly. Period. But knowing who your enemy is...well, that's crucial. To borrow the words of the Apostle Paul who, as we know, was inspired by the Spirit of God to pen the following words in the 7th chapter of Romans...
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing...For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind..."
Please hear me when I say, if you are a follower of Christ, we are on the same team. We should wear our team jerseys at all public functions as a reminder! "Christ-followers" (with a sub-title of "Please refer back to Romans 7") Not very catchy, but you get the point.
My intention was never to offend or silence but to embolden the warriors of Christ to take up arms against the enemy...to eliminate facades and plastic faces so that we rise together as one...marching forward with transparency and grace, taking ground in the secret places of the heart and mind.
I don't know about you, but some days that's the only way I will move at all...if only on the backs of my teammates.
I actually received feedback from quite a few people on both sides of the aisle...so please don't feel as though I'm secretly attacking you personally if you're one of the chosen few. You are in good company.
The most notable element of the feedback is the great divide that formed between two sides. To put it simply, those that have either dealt with the sudden death of an intimate loved one or who have battled life and death illnesses of their own, totally "got it" and thanked me for putting it out there.
Those that haven't had that trauma in their lives, didn't get it...at all. My words came across harsh and cold. It didn't hurt my feelings. Honestly, I'm glad they didn't get it. If you understood, that means there would be yet another family torn apart...another mommy who feels like her heart has been ripped out and put through a shredder.
I would humbly ask you to re-read "Confessions of a Grieving Mommy." I wasn't trying to defend my heartless commiserations. I acknowledged my situation for what it really is...the enemy attacking my wounded heart with bitterness. I confessed the conviction of the Holy Spirit to conform to the image of the Son instead of clenching my jaw on the sour fruit of bitterness.
As I said previously, this is the ugly naked truth about what we're struggling with, but when people ask how they can pray for you, it doesn't exactly just roll off the tongue. Frankly, I was tired of answering, "I'm ok."
It also bears mentioning that those of us on this side of heartbreak would lovingly acknowledge that we thought we knew and understood grief before going to these depths. We would've likely echoed your exact sentiments. All we can say is it's just another "shake-your-head" moment of realization when the semi-truck of death slams into you going 70 mph, and you're confronted with eternity like never before. There's just no way to "get it"...until you "get it." And that's ok. We understand.
We are called to live out this Christian walk together. Satan does not want that to happen, and so (in situations like these) he plays his go-to solids of bitterness and anger in order to isolate us from each other. It's much easier to pick us off one-by-one when we're not standing together.
Although I don't want to make lite of the topic, this calls to mind the intensity of the Olympic-worthy game of Red Rover. You remember those games, don't you?!? When your entire elementary school reputation hinged on forming ranks during recess. Your team would call out the weakest among the enemy and dare him/her to breach your wall. Then with gritted teeth, you'd brace yourselves for impact...as one body...the likes of whom would rise and fall...together. And where would they catapult themselves with tremendous force?!? To the weakest link, of course.
Put simply, I don't want my bitterness and anger to be the weakest link.
There is a battle of good and evil going on here. Wars are ugly. Period. But knowing who your enemy is...well, that's crucial. To borrow the words of the Apostle Paul who, as we know, was inspired by the Spirit of God to pen the following words in the 7th chapter of Romans...
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing...For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind..."
Please hear me when I say, if you are a follower of Christ, we are on the same team. We should wear our team jerseys at all public functions as a reminder! "Christ-followers" (with a sub-title of "Please refer back to Romans 7") Not very catchy, but you get the point.
My intention was never to offend or silence but to embolden the warriors of Christ to take up arms against the enemy...to eliminate facades and plastic faces so that we rise together as one...marching forward with transparency and grace, taking ground in the secret places of the heart and mind.
I don't know about you, but some days that's the only way I will move at all...if only on the backs of my teammates.
