October 11th-December 7th...it's been awhile
I’m coming out of hiding. I actually had intentions to
continue along with the blog…sharing our daily triumphs and struggles…but when
the days were more difficult to process than I could bear, I gave you the
silent treatment. Sorry about that. I’m
not even big into that method of conflict resolution! Plus, you didn’t do
anything to me! I was having a fight with life…you just got slammed for it.
Yep. Like I said, sorry about that, you innocent bystander.
So…have I come back to life because everything’s coming up
roses now? Uh, no…more like, my head (and heart) might very well explode if I
don’t get some things off my chest.
Another reason for the kick in the pants is harder to
swallow. Today is the 6 month
anniversary of Zoe’s death. 6 months sounds so short…and so very long. It's been an arduous summer/fall. Given
the holiday season, I’ve thought about doing a Christmas letter to send out,
but I’m confident it would not be the cheery update our friends and family
would love to receive. I’m sure you’ve caught on by now…I’m not really the “put
lipstick on a pig” kinda gal. Honesty’s the way to go. My vision is much better
with the mask off. But not sure how would that letter would read...
2013
We adopted
Zane and Zoe from China.
It was awesome!
Then Zoe
died.
It was awful!
Merry
Christmas.
Obviously there were many amazing things God did in our
family as a whole and with each of us, individually. But in keeping with that
whole transparency vibe, this is the overshadowing reality and reaction when I think about 2013.
There is so much that has happened since I last chatted with
you all…confessions I intended to share…health updates for the little man…and
life at the Carr Castle. I’ll spend moments catching you up, as I’m able.
One of the notable updates would be my attempt to try and
clean up my act, health-wise…which included taking a hiatus from my faithful
friends, Diet Dr. Pepper and peanut butter! I know…I know…moment of silence. No,
I don’t feel any better after being off of it…yes, I fully intend to have them
whenever the urge hits! No convert here. The reason this is relevant is that I
lost my super woman ability to stay up late…like past 8 pm. For real. And since
I usually blogged at midnight…well, you see the problem. So what do you do when you’re no longer a
night owl? God puts your oldest child back in swimming, and you find yourself
at the dreaded swim meet...you know the 5 hour event where your child actively
participates for 5 minutes?!? Yea.
It’ll be nice catching up with you.