Guatemala Travelogue 6
Have to start out by offering an apology for the delay in posting these final travelogues. It’s been a week. A whole week. By that, I don’t mean just the passage of a week’s time…it’s just been a whole kinda week. For the love. Most of this week, I haven’t known much about what day it was, or what was even happening…there were a massive amount of meetings, road trips, appointments, gatherings…and a healthy dose of…what the heck is going on right now?!? Add in a good ol’, “When can we go back to Guatemala?” and you’ve got the picture.
Our last full day in Guatemala was probably the craziest, busiest, most jam-packed day of our entire week. So much so, that I’m going to break it into multiple posts…the latter of which, you’ll just have to buckle up…in more ways than one. :)
Friday morning, we had our ongoing devotional and testimonial time together. It just so happened to be my turn to share. I had hung back in the volunteering and just waited for Jean to tell me when to go…so on the last morning, I was up. I told the group that I usually bounce back and forth between telling everything I know and holding my feelings and thoughts pretty close to the vest. That really tracks, if you know me well. So it really was gonna be a toss-up how much I would share! I guess the main thing I wanted to get across was through much heartache, much sorrow, much difficulty…I wanted to see God’s hand and blessing…in the midst of it all. Not just the end result being for my good and God’s glory…but right in the middle of the ugly. That’s where I long to appreciate God’s goodness and sovereignty. I also shared the scraping paint analogy that I shared earlier in the travelogues. While I would never share anything the rest of the group shared, I feel freedom to share my own. The truth of the matter is that I have so much felt the prayer of Jonah in Jonah 2. which reads:
“For you cast me into the deep, in to the heart of the seas, and the flood surrounded me; all your waves and your billows pass over me…I am driven away from your sight…the waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me. weeds wrapped about my head…I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever.”
I don’t know about you, but I can oh so easily get stuck in that space. I’ve spent many a night reading passages like that and thinking, “I really don’t want to associate with Jonah…of all people! He was a complete WRECK! But here we are.” But even Jonah, in his self-serving prayer went a step further when he prayed:
“…yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you…”
Honestly, since losing Zoe in 2013 and then my dad in 2021, I’ve had so many moments when I simply could not declare, “Lord, I remember you. You have brought my life from the pit.”
Not me. I felt as though the Lord threw me in the pit, covered me over with dirt, and left me there, with no hope of rescue…primarily, because I even struggled to call on the name of the Lord while I was in the belly of that beast, let alone acknowledge his sovereignty and goodness in all things. I’m sure there are so many of you that can understand that feeling well. It’s not unfounded…it makes sense. But that doesn’t mean that God wants us to stay there. So many times in the Psalms, we see David pouring his heart out to God, truly lamenting his heartache and struggle…yet in the end, he turns things around by looking to the Lord, trusting in His goodness and salvation.
That’s where I long to be. No matter my circumstances…through physical or emotional turmoil…I long to say with David, “I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.” May we all have that same trust in the goodness and faithfulness of God.
Now…I hadn’t intended to share those testimonial thoughts when I started this post, but we all know that following the Holy Spirit’s leading is much more important than sticking to any plan we come up with personally. So I’m rolling with it and pray that it is encouraging to you in some way.
“May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations.”