making the world a better place since 2010
Pretty and delicate jewelry. Journals. Fuzzy socks. Comfy blankets. Makeup. Cupcakes. Pinks and purples. These are the things that pop up when I searched, “What to get a 13 year old girl for her birthday.” But my favorite had to be a little zipper pouch that read, “Making the World a Better Place Since 2010,” because our sweet Zoe Lynn did just that. She surely made our world a better place.
This past Sunday marked what would’ve been Cha Cha’s 13th birthday. The Terrific Three (better known as “the remnant”) took some flowers to the cemetery after lunch and just had a short little conversation about what we thought she’d be like at 13. Those that have lost loved ones, but especially children, recognize the “bonus sadness” in not always being able to answer that question. When you can’t even imagine what someone’s life would be like, the darkness seems thicker. But as I had some time to do the search I mentioned above, I found some sweet moments of…”Oh yes, Zoe would’ve loved that!” and “I would’ve had to hide all that makeup after she put some on Zane while he was sleeping!” World War 3 would’ve broken out, but her little giggle would’ve trickled through the house. But on the daily basis, when I can’t fathom life with Zoe because it’s been so long since her death, I find myself with a special dose of introspection and the heaviness that comes along with it…just for fun.
So, in an effort to acknowledge but not obsessively dwell, I’m choosing to think about that little zipper pouch. I may even buy it so I have that reminder daily…much like the tattoo I got last year…that we don’t grieve as those without HOPE. I’m counting on that hope. I’m leaning into that hope. I’m resting my mama-heart in that hope. But let’s not miss the first part of that verse. There’s an understanding that we WILL GRIEVE, that life is painful and full of heartaches…some of which threaten to break us from within. BUT…when we grieve, we do so…with HOPE of a tomorrow…HOPE of a place where there is no more pain, or death, or crushing heartache…HOPE of a Savior who is well-acquainted with grief.
Zoe made our world a better place since 2010. Christ the Redeemer made the entire world a better place thousands of years ago. And I think Zoe’s 13th birthday was just about as perfect as one could possibly imagine. As someone who thrives on creating momentous birthday experiences…no, for real…you may have heard of me…It’s kinda my thing. But for this birthday, there’s no way I could’ve topped the one she had on Sunday. And for that, I’m so very grateful and filled to the brim with HOPE.