Guatemala Travelogue 8

At this point, you may be wondering one of two things: is she still talking about THE SAME DAY…or how could there possibly be MORE to share? Firstly, I told you truthfully that our final day in Guatemala was JAM-PACKED. Secondly, the afternoon excursion demanded a post all to itself. Trust me. As wonderful as our morning was, it would have been overshadowed by the story I’m about to tell you, and I didn’t want that to happen. Thirdly, and most importantly, don’t be looking for any spiritual nuggets of gold here. Again, keeping it real. I’m just gonna let the facts speak for themselves. Those that weren’t there will simply have to imagine the high level of chaos…and uproarious laughter that ensued…to even begin to grasp what went down.

As a final effort for some to grab those last-minute souvenirs (read: for Eva to actually buy something for her poor husband who was slaving away back home in Iowa and not just walk away with things “para mi”), the majority of the group headed off to a local market. Everyone else was checking out last minute gifts and potentially buying themselves something…for the 1st time. :/

I literally feel terrible that the entire group didn’t get to experience this adventure because…mayhem and chaos should be shared by all. Just a couple people decided to hang back at SETECA, and a couple others rode is a separate vehicle…so we’ve done our best to convey what I’m about to share. Of course, by now you’re probably thinking…just GET TO IT already!!! But I can confidentally say, if you don’t desperately wish you had been there or at least find this insanely hilarious, don’t you dare try to convince anyone that was there. It goes down in history…in HISTORY, I say. Plus, we probably just can’t be friends anymore.

We had a much more subdued version of show-and-tell this time, but I’m sure everyone was thrilled that the pastor’s wife finally thought of others and bought some things accordingly. The hubs got a wooden, “branded” bookmark and a ginormous glass, in case you were gonna put me on blast. Our FAMILY got a beautiful table-runner :) and some earrings. :) Sorry, not sorry.

Then.

It.

Began.

Ok. Traffic. Yea. Let’s go with “heavy.”

Roads. Let’s say, “variety of straight, curvy, hilly, etc.”

At some point, there must’ve been a conversation I missed about our vehicle…but in the midst of the aforementioned traffic and roads, Daniel turned around (with a deadpan look on his face) and simply said, “I can confirm. Manual.” Christian, Scott, and I were sitting in the back row of seats and just lost it.” Obviously, the road conditions involved a lot of stopping and starting, shifting and shifting again. But truly, it was just Daniel’s delivery that got us. We were still laughing about that when we hit even heavier traffic…on a significantly steep incline of the road. I’m not going to be able to put into words the fear, mixed with laughter, mixed with yelling, mixed with resolve that happened in the next few minutes…but I’ll try my best.

WHILE we are still laughing about Daniel’s “confirmation,” the smell of the brakes/clutch situation reached us first…like, oh no…we might have an actual situation here. The laughter started dying down pretty quick, along with additional…oh no, uh oh, and the like. And again…steep incline of the road…heavy traffic. Jean was an absolute trooper, but the odds were not, shall we say, in her favor. At one point, I heard her even pull up the emergency brake to keep us from rolling back into the cars behind us. Then even when the cars in front began to move, the cars were too close behind to allow the inevitable backward motion that happens when shifting a manual on a hill…and she couldn’t even “gun” it because the traffic was still too heavy. THEN once she had the room, it was the vehicle being too loaded down…with US…to make any difference! By now, there’s a healthy dose of dread, mixed with laughter, because we’re all trying to lean forward…in a desperate attempt to WILL the vehicle to move upward and forward. Could not stop laughing. With every stop and start, we lost it all over again. THEN “someone” yells, some of y’all need to get OUT. Don’t let the “y’all” convince you it was yours truly…I just talk more southern when I’m tired, worked up, nervous, etc. Since most of us were literally stacked in like sardines in the back, that meant the people in the front had to bail…one by one, while the rest of us in the back kept yelling, “MORE!!!” in between the cackling. We kept leaning forward, turning purple with laughter, while the others piled out…with all of their purchases because we were still wrapping up our show-and-tell! Thinking that would do the trick, we were surprised to hear Jean look out to our abandoned buddies on the street, door still open, and say, “I can’t do it.” Big ol’ yikes. Black smoke, obnoxious smell, honking, etc. It just couldn’t get enough space and umph to go!! SO…Todd goes all Arnold Schwarzenegger and yells, “We got you, Jean! We’re pushing!!!” ALL I know next is that Todd Muscle-Man Williams is now one-arming that van door and Logan, who’d previously been enjoying the break from his sophomore year of high school, is behind the van pushing as the black smoke literally ENVELOPS him…and they’re RUNNING. Meanwhile the sardines can do nothing but DIE OF LITERAL CHAOTIC LAUGHTER. Breathing optional, in that situation. There was only wheezing laughter. In truly only an act of the Almighty…and obviously the leaning forward of the sardines…they get the van going at a good enough clip to where Jean could take over from the driver’s seat. Mind you…abandoned passengers were still now hoofing it up that hill. They assumed they’d just walk the rest of the way back to SETECA, but as soon as she was able, Jean made a right hand turn…to wait for said travelers to rejoin our motley crew!! More yelling, more running…people literally diving into a vehicle like they’d just pulled off the heist of a lifetime, yelling GO, GO, GO!!!! As they’re doing so, Christian looks out his window on the back row to see a group of locals staring at the whole insanity, with wide eyes, huge smiles, and much laughter of their own! He aptly yelled out, “Those loco Americans!!” :)

I wrote all that in one giant paragraph because it basically happened within SECONDS, all at the same time!! It was only when the dust settled and laughter started to die down that Jana added that she had her giant cloth chicken still in her hands as she was running up the street!!! She was still finishing up her show and tell when all normality flew out the window…and she was also one of the first we kicked out of the van! Calling on the good people of Guatemala to produce video evidence…because Scott realized FAR too late that none of us had the presence of mind to capture a single moment. Don’t ever say we don’t know how to live in the moment. Because, bummer…we do.