Guatemala Travelogue 9

#9, better known as the Gag Reel…the Bloopers…the Complete and Utter Nonsense…whatever works for you…because truth be told, the working title of “Stuff The 15 Team Members Will Never Forget Because The Other Team Members Won’t Let It Die” seemed a bit cumbersome.

This will also read a bit differently because, whether you believe it or not, (hold on to something or take a seat for this)…I usually have a plan to execute…a thread to pull…a point to make…in each of these posts. Shocker. I know right?!? But for this special post, I’m just going to share all sorts of memories, one-liners, embarrassing moments, little anecdotes…none of which are connected, but all were memorable enough to capture on “paper.” When possible or desperately needed, I’ll give a little back story…that will mostly happen when needing to defend MYSELF. I should also add that SOME team members…who shall not be named…were gunning for me a little too aggressively when I asked for them to share these little nuggets. I guess “they” are still recovering from a certain card game. :0 Did she go there again…yes, she did. No shame in this game. No pun intended. Regardless, here we go…in no particular order. (Someone just binge-watched the latest season of American Idol.)

*Don’t ever accept gum from Clay Baker. Just trust me. Your gut will thank you. This thoughtful guy literally offered me gum on the first flight that had to have been in his bag for more than a decade. I glanced over, only to see what can only described as the old Fruit Stripe zebra gum that dissolved in your mouth after 3 chews…except this was spearmint gum…which typically should be WHITE. Think pastel yellow Easter dress color…in fact, his wife, Olivia, may have owned that dress as a toddler and kept this gum from that same year.

*The “Jean time table/countdown” was not exactly something you could ever expect or be prepared for. Invariably, after she deemed that you had been given exactly the correct amount of time to finish your meal…and by that, I mean ALL of whomever was even thinking about being involved in the next thing…she would FLY into the big room and shout something along the lines of, “You have 10 minutes and 20 seconds to meet at the big tree”…”2 minutes and 45 seconds to meet here on the couches”…always new locations and times given, including the seconds.

*Many people submitted Tim quotes…mostly revolving around his excitement over anything he thought was awesome or noteworthy. “YAAAHOOOO!” was often heard, along with uproarious laughter…at the Mother’s Day early morning fireworks, American restaurants, all the VBS songs, and more. Gotta admit…I missed that laugh big-time. When we had our stateside debrief meeting, I said, somebody make Tim laugh…it’s been 4 days. I had a Tim-laugh void in my life for sure.

*Hey remember that time Clay was too kind to realize he was being completely conned by a walking, wheelchair-rider…who needed all the help, but also none of it…who couldn’t pay for her bill, but also bought souvenirs…who needed luggage assistance, but had miraculously gotten through the airport…yea, me neither.

*At the end of our 4 day work project, the admins of SETECA gathered us together to thank us for all the hard work and to explain how helpful it had been to their limited staff. Our sweet April eloquently and diplomatically thanked THEM for honoring us by allowing us to serve. Todd followed that up with, “That’s my girl!” in that awesome Todd-accent.

*At our final debrief/testimonial time on Friday night, Marc expressed his appreciation to David and MJ for putting up with (his daughter) Mia’s humor. Then he added he can be “a little nervous to take her out in public.”

*I believe it was Antigua (I definitely am not positive on that), but we were walking down the street, and I saw a dude wearing a Cowboys shirt. I shouted, “Go Cowboys!” AS ONE SHOULD DO, but got very little response. Fake fan. Somebody else said, “Eva’s a huge Dallas Cowboys fan because she’s from Texas!” With zero hesitation, Clay says, “It was a very formative three years for her.” This guy. If he mentioned it once, he mentioned it thirty times during this trip. Still, only one of us gets to claim the great state of TEXAS. Amen and amen.

*Daniel giving PELE on the soccer pitch.

*On the plane from Guatemala to Dallas…after being up since 2:30 AM, Clay was woken up on three separate occasions, after just falling asleep, because Eva kept nodding off and dropping her Kindle on the floor. Hey…I was trying to stay awake…unsuccessfully. And for the record, it wasn’t personal, Clay. I woke everyone.

*Emma named the large seminary cat Patriarch. In case you’re wondering, there were cats on campus. This was not my favorite thing.

*Marc told Mia she looked pretty (or something of that nature), and Mia simply replied, “I know.” Hey…confidence and self-awareness are rare qualities these days.

*Remember the 4 day painting project…the one where we had to repaint some areas, due to circumstances OUT OF OUR CONTROL?! Yea…that one? Towards the end of the week, Clay told Eva her window looked good. Scott says, “It better. She’s been painting it all week!” :/ This guy. I hope he hears “BLITZ!” in his nightmares.

*On our day-trip to Antigua, Jean said, “We shop til we drop, and we don’t go down easy!”

*After all the talk about fearing a cockroach might find its way into someone’s luggage, Christian had the AUDACITY to “send” a cockroach into Tim’s room on our last night in Guatemala. Tim’s response to Christian…after screaming, “You’re not going to do anything about the cockroach?!?!” He couldn’t believe a pastor would behave in such a way.

*Eva refused to accept that Guatemalan Spanish had no word for “snack” and was totally unsatisfied with having to say that apples with peanut butter was her favorite “comida.” That’s “food,” for all of you non-bilingual folk. I mean…that ranks WAY up there in my book, but even apples/peanut butter can’t beat tacos, nachos, and all the like…which, for the record, I did consume as much as possible on the trip.

*After Tim finished sharing his moving “On FIRE for God” personal story/testimony, David said, “Who know where Tim will be next week!!” Jessica piped in with, “Probably at the ordinance plant!” True…true…

*Someone told Emma that cats don’t really miss their owners when they’re away (AND all the people said, AMEN!), but Tim jumped in emphatically saying, “YES THEY DO!!” Did we even get to see pics of Tim’s cat? Also yes.

*As Paul and Jean were sharing their “how we met” story, Paul shared that he held Jean at arm’s-length as a “friend,” She was totally worked up over it. He was oblivious.

*When we went to Sarita’s ice cream shop, Marc was so enthusiastic about ordering his ice cream “affogato,” (which he said, of course, in Spanish) but then explained to the employee (IN ENGLISH) how that means he wanted them to pour the espresso over the ice cream. Ummm…take a minute and think on that, buddy.

*Daniel lit up every time he saw a traditional Latin American dessert…Clay felt compelled to eat everything that Daniel ate…because, you know…solidarity.

*Eva: ”I like to SPOON it…” quickly followed by “PEANUT BUTTER!” when I realized just what I said…not my finest hour. But also, not entirely surprising. Back story, because I have a reputation to uphold and all: at the beginning of the week, Jean made pancakes one morning. After we all had our food, Jean realized she forgot to set out the peanut butter. Paul loves peanut butter so she’d meant to have it out. Of course, I had to explain my immense love for peanut butter…see multiple previous posts and above for validation. But in my fervor to explain the depth of my love, I made this comment. Unfortunate, yet still true.

*While we were painting, Mia was bantering back and forth with Daniel…let’s be honest, when weren’t they doing this..and then she asked him, “How do you say rat in Spanish?” Without hesitation, Daniel replied, “Mia.” Boom roasted.

*I literally have no memory of this one, but a lot of the team were sitting around the table, with many conversations going on at the same time. Jean went up to them and started to speak. They obviously didn’t quiet down soon enough because she turned around and put her nose to the wall…and just stood there. She turned around eventually, but it was funny to watch her “talk to the wall.” She made it perfectly clear that they all needed to get quiet.

*On the infamous shopping excursion, we pulled to a stop at a red light. A homeless man stepped to Christian’s open window and was asking for some money. When Christian stated that he didn’t have any money, Jessica immediately asked if he honestly didn’t have cash to give him. (He didn’t, by the way.) But don’t come at Jessica without sincerity and truthfulness…she’s not gonna have it! I was all kinds of shocked by her question, apparently…or more like surprised…as she said my reaction was priceless, but Jessica said she just really needed to know!!!

*Lastly, but most certainly not least, if you’re looking to start up a blue grass band, ask April Williams to help you procure certain instruments. She’s got mad skills asking where to find some. :) Is this a deliberately vague comment so you’re forced to ask her about it? Maybe. Maybe not. That would just be too fun…I mean, cruel…I mean, fun. Who knows…clearly, I’m just all confused and can’t be held responsible for anything said in this post. :)

Thanks to all my Guatemala Family for your submissions…and the unforgettable memories!

OH…and here’s one to grow on…did you ever hear the one about the girl (term held loosely) that went into the spine surgeon after a cross-cultural trip to see how to proceed with her stupid back/neck pain and nerve compression? It goes something like this…do this PT, get this injection, and don’t do any…painting. Ok then. Gotcha. You just can’t make this stuff up. SO…guess the team is gonna need to head over and do some painting at her house. Better yet…maybe not. :)

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Guatemala Travelogue 8