When Words Fail

I’ve been pondering a great deal of things lately. Sitting in the middle of life’s ups and downs and just…well, just pondering…and feeling it all. I know…ick. But there it is. I’m sure the overflow of that will eventually make it’s way to your doorstep, dear readers. But for right now, all the musings are not the point. Today’s point is what to do when the words don’t come…when words fail.

If you’re a musical fan…and why WOULDN’T you be?!? Get with the creative program here!!! But if you ARE a Broadway buff, you may have starting humming a little tune as you read the title of this article. You know the one from that cult-classic rom-com…you know the one…say it with me…Shrek. I should be embarrassed at this point, but instead I’m gonna run with it. Stay tight here.

Take a look at the big green guy’s chorus:

When words fail
What will I do
When words fail
How will she know how I feel
When words fail
Will I fail too

For context, these lyrics fall at the point in the musical when Shrek has realized he’s in love with Princess Fiona, and is so nervous to share his feelings, (after a shockingly botched previous attempt) that he is practicing how to best approach her. Yet, even in his solo practicing, it’s going very poorly. Ok, that’s the understatement of the century. Here’s a little snippet of the Titanic slowing sinking:

Oh look the moon
Is out tonight
You remind me of that moon
Because it's big and bright
And by big I don't mean chubby
Obviously you're not fat
But your personality is biggish
Is what I meant by that
Sorry 'bout that fat thing
I'm on the hefty side myself
I have to blame the gene pool
Which reminds me of
Oh where I am going with this

See what I mean?! Poor guy. But, if I’m being honest, I can really resonate with this verbal and mental wrestle…this profound desire to say just the right thing, at just the right time, to just the right person/people. Truly, this doesn’t come from a perfectionism hang-up…it’s because words matter. Communicating your thoughts and feelings and ideas…to someone with clarity and intention and heart…in such a way that you’re heard and understood and valued. Well, that’s the money shot, in my book. The tricky part is when those precious words of clarity won’t come, I’m left with…the pondering…and the retreating…with all the feelings and thoughts that are dying to be heard…while at the same time, another iron has been added to the fire. Doubt. Doubt that I’ll find a way to communicate effectively…and doubt that anyone will care.

Maybe that’s why those lyrics resonate so deeply…because deep down, I’m wondering if my way forward depends on my ability to say just the right thing, at just the right time, to just the right person/people. As you can imagine, words might not churn out as quickly with that mindset of:

When words fail
Will I fail too

I found it interesting that AI had this to say: the phrase "words fail me" is an idiom that means someone is unable to express their thoughts or feelings, especially due to shock or surprise. Even though I’m not really a fan of using AI to speak for me (or anyone, for that matter…feels like cheating…cut it out…but I digress), the definition isn’t too shabby. It just falls a little short, for me.

This one gets more to the heart, in my opinion. No clue who this person is, but I like what she had to say here. Theresa Boedeker said, “Words can fail us when we have big emotions, thoughts, or feelings to communicate.” Even when we’re not experiencing shock or surprise or devastation, it’s pretty easy to feel overwhelmed and paralyzed by the floods and storms of big emotions, thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. SO paralyzed that we say nothing…do nothing…share nothing.

I’m aware of the irony of using multiple quotes from other sources in an article about words failing, but here’s another one, just for kicks. Harvard Business Review opined a similar wrestling: “Words carry risks we cannot assess accurately because we do not know what meaning they happen to have for the person we address.”

Sharing our thoughts and feelings and our authentic self comes with some risk. There’s no guarantee that we won’t be misunderstood or rejected…and there’s no guarantee that we won’t, in fact, fail with our words. But the reality is…you ready for this deep thoughts by Eva moment?!? The truth is there are no perfect words…no perfect way to share our thoughts and feelings…that could guarantee a sure outcome. I’ve often heard, “When words fail, let your actions do the talking.” And yea…sure…there’s always the “actions speak louder than words” crowd. But unless we’re willing to “risk it for the biscuit,” as they say…

I’m sorry…exacting zero people are saying that…pull it together, Eva…she’s cracking up, folks.

But unless we’re willing to take that risk, there’s no possibility of those precious, sweet moments when someone enters into our world, sees us for who we really are…hears our heart…and joins hands with us as we step forward…and, yes, even sometimes, backward. What a beautiful thing to offer…what a beautiful thing to experience.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road though, there very well may be times when we take the leap, throw the bone, jump off the cliff…ok, I’m aware I went one figure of speech too far there, but hang with me. Sometimes…it may not turn out as we hoped. The misunderstanding happens. The silence is deafening. The feelings are indeed too raw. Therein lies the risk…the “but what if it’s worth it?” kinda risk. Ultimately, for those that follow Christ, maybe we should start truly believing that He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. How ‘bout that?

So how’d it end for ol’ Shrek? Told you I was gonna go all-in on the analogy so I might as well end there. Who knew we could find profound life and relationship wisdom at the bottom of an ogre-sized bottle?!

If words fail
She'll know what I mean
If words fail
She'll just take my hand
She sees me like no one else has
If words fail
She'll understand

I hope you’ll risk it with me. Be brave with me. I long for that kind of knowing and hearing and living…for myself and for all of you. I want to understand and be understood…to know and be known…to trust in the sufficiency of the One whose words never fail.